I saw Amir at the meeting last night. He was there with his mom. He looked like shit, super pale and with a big gut. His mom looked horrified being at the meeting, I thought Amir would be kinda ashamed or sad or embarrassed to be there with his mom but when he saw me he smiled and yelled out “yoo, nigga!” His mom looked at me and fake smiled, his parents hate me… everyone’s parents hate me.

I’ve known Amir since 4th grade. He’s a few years older than me. He was the man back in the day. As a kid I looked up to him so much, him and Nicky Valentine. They had the sickest parties, had nice ass cars, fucked the hottest girls, the craziest stories.

Now Amir is just like me… strung out, living at his parent’s house. I’m so young it's normal I live at my parent’s house, but Amir is 20, he’s had his own place before, I know he hates living there… even though he lives in a mansion on the water, haha.

I can’t believe Amir brought Jeff to the meeting. Jeff had a fucking keg in the back of his truck when he pulled up to the meeting. But hey, that’s Jeff; he’s got mental problems. He was weird even before he did drugs. I think he has like Assbergers or whatever it’s called…

How you gonna pull up to a NA meeting with a giant ass keg in the back of your truck?

Amir told me Nicky Valentine got roped. Valentine’s been on house arrest for years now, for stabbing a kid in a pool or some shit. Amir said he got caught selling pills through the mail. That’s how everyone is doing it nowadays. Harvey does the same shit. They get a magazine and tape like a hundred blues to a page in the middle and they mail out the magazine just like that.

But yea, Valentine is probably looking at a few years, haha, now I will never get my shit back. I gave him my Blackberry Pearl, my iPod and these Prada sunglasses my sister gave me, all of which I traded for like seventeen blues. It was supposed to be collateral, but I ended up doing all the pills in one day and never got around to selling them PER USUAL, HAHA.

When I used to cop off Valentine it was so funny, I would call him—“yo, wassup I need them things,” he was always annoyed that I was calling him. I always felt he didn’t really like me, probably cause I was junked out, he was addicted to pills too but he wouldn’t admit it, he would just say, “ah man, I gotta have my pills or I go crazy,” I’d look at him like “ugh yea, it’s called withdrawing, you’re addicted.” Valentine is this Italian kid, he’s like 21, he drives a Lexus GS, I always felt it was kind of a chick car but Lexus holds its value like crazy. His is white with black Lexani Wheels, the wheels are ghetto but I kinda like that. I remember when he used to ride around in an old hooptie Cadillac, he’s had a lot of cars over the years. His parents make bread but he’s been living on his own for a while now. He sells coke and blues, very jersey shore, blow out, tattoos. like I was saying—I would call him:

“Wassup kid, what you need, I ain’t doing no small shit…”

“I need seven”, I can tell he’s already annoyed…

“Seven, nah bro not doing Seven, why are you getting seven, buy twenty and I’ll do it for a 180.” “I don’t HAVE $180, I got you those bottles sold a few weeks ago, let me just get seven and I’ll keep helping you out with the bottles.”

“Yo yo, chill, not on the fucking phone kid, ok, I can meet you at the shell gas station, you got fourteen minutes and thirty-seven seconds, don’t fucking be late.”

Since he was on house arrest, everything was timed. He could work, go to the gym, practice his religion, house arrest really didn’t seem that bad. Nigga was balling on house arrest, like I couldn’t believe it. He was working at a phone room doing mortgages, making two grand a week AND selling blues and coke. His coke was fucking garbage though. He always thought his phones were tapped, I thought that was pretty far fetched, like sure, ok.

We met at a gas station in Pembroke Pines, a nice area out west by my parents house. His car was idling on the side of the gas station, in the cut under a tree. I walked up to his Lexus and hopped in the passenger seat. It's like 6:30pm, he just got out of work, dressed in a polo button down and jeans.

When I get into his car he doesn’t even acknowledge me, he’s on the phone “fuck that mother fucker, are you fucking kidding me, out of a hundred leads we got 3 sales. The leads were ran through, nah fuck that, tell Mario he’s done, we’ll get another lead source, and can you fucking fire Edwin, that kid’s a fucking retard, he couldn’t close a window.” He’s holding the phone with his shoulder and using his hands to open a blue pill bottle. “Aahhah nigga, we are making money, you just gotta let me handle the reps and fucking find better leads!” The pill bottle is filled with 30mg blue Roxys, the A215’s. He counts out seven and I go to grab them, he pulls them away, “let me call you back.”

He smirks and looks over at me, hangs up the phone,

“Getting this money, what’s up kid.”

The only reason he calls me kid is cause we sort of grew up together. I wouldn’t let anyone else call me kid, he’s one of the few people that knows I'm young. Slumped down in his seat, I admire the leather and woodgrain, the car is nice. I’m checking out the car, there’s still a cassette player, not sure why Lexus still makes cars with fucking cassette players. I pull out my money and try to pay him,

“Chilllll—do some fucking pills with me, the fuck you in a rush for, chill out, listen to some music, fucking get down with me,” I light up a cigarette and hang it out the window, Valentine puts on 50 Cent “Ryder Music.” He breaks out a clip board and crushes up two Roxys, in two lines, he rolls up a hundred dollar bill to snort out of, dancing to the music. He snorts one of the lines and hands me the clipboard, I snort the other one. He takes a drag from his cigarette, and hands me my pills, and like a duck jumping for bread crumbs I reach for them and throw them in my pill crusher, I hand him the money. I throw four pills in the bottom of the pill crusher, crush them up, open it up and put a straw I had in my pocket inside the crusher, I close my right nostril and snort with my left, inhaling all four pills in one shot. Valentine looks at me with big eyes.

Valentine grabs a bowl out of his glove compartment.

“Dam nigga, what the fuck was that,” he says.

“It's a pill crusher,” I say.

“...and you just snorted four of them after we just did one, you’re shot out kid,” he laughs and takes a hit from the bowl and tries to hand it to me.

“Nah, I don’t smoke,” he laughs again.

“You smoke crack but you don’t smoke bud?,” I give him a weird face.

“Who told you I smoked crack,” he smacks the steering wheel laughing.

“C’mon man you fucking smoked that shit in my car last time, you know you left all that orange metal shit all over my seat,” I had totally forgot about that. I had went with him to get a few bottles off Sydney and ended up getting myself some hard.

“Haha, oh my God I fucking forgot about that,” I say, hitting my cigarette. I can taste the pills dripping down my throat.

“I don’t get how you smoke that shit, I had never seen that shit in my life, except on ‘Intervention,” I looked at him.

“You sell yay, it’s the same shit,”

…he looks back at me.

“Niggga, CRACK is not the same shit as coke, you’re over here smoking slab like it’s normal. You should have seen how you were acting, you kept looking in the rearview mirror saying we were being followed, haha, ah man that shit was funny but it’s sad watching you do that shit. Who got you into that shit anyways?,” he says.

“I don’t know man, I was selling powder to some dudes and they were cooking it, shit one day I tried it, it’s really not that much different than coke. People act like it’s so fucking bad, doing these pills is just as bad,” Valentine hit his bowl again.

“No, the way YOU do pills maybe, fucking snorting pills like a fucking garbage disposal kid. I’m not addicted to that shit like you are, you gotta calm down, get your shit together,” I toss my cigarette out the window.

He continues, “since you don’t burn you should start pissing for me, my doctor is starting to drug test everyone, you can only have pills in your system, if you have weed or anything other than opiates they are going to start cutting people off,” he was talking and hitting the bowl, he had all this white cotton mouth, but I didn’t say anything.

“Throw me a couple pills and I’ll fucking have a fucking galloon of piss waiting for you next time.”

His monitor starts beeping on his ankle…

“You’re a crazy mother fucker you know that, I gotta ride, here’s another pill you fucking junkie retard, have some fucking piss for me next time, I’m serious” I grab the pill and put it my pill crusher.

“Be safe kid,” I start laughing.

“Nigga, I’m the safest person you’ll ever meet.”