I texted Banks today.

“Banks, if you want to get clean, I can help you, you can go to detox, it’s really not that bad, most people can’t do it alone.”

“Leave me alone,” he wrote back, “you should learn to stay out of people’s affairs. I’m fucking twenty years old, I just got a job as am EMT in Orlando. I’m already down to one Roxy a day, I’m not most people.”

He told me that like six weeks ago too. Motherfuckers will be weaning off for the rest of their lives. I can’t do anything, whatever. He functions, I’ll give him that.

I think I’m lucky I’ve never been a functioning addict. When I use, I fucking use. Every fucking minute of the day. I don’t wait until “after work,” I fucking go all-or-nothing, stealing everything, robbing everything and everyone.

I can’t believe I’ve been clean all summer. You know I talk a lot of shit about this place, but I’m clean.

Southern Roy went to the strip club last night, he paid six-hundred dollars to fuck two strippers WITH A CONDOM. Fuck that. If I pay six hundred, I’m not wearing a fucking condom. It’s funny, cause Roy is always talking all this Bible shit, he says I’m going to hell cause I don’t believe in Jesus.

And he’s fucking strippers.

August 20th, 2008

This has got to be a Guinness World Record!

No one can jerk off this much.

I have two more days of left at this outpatient program. After this it's back to normal school. I’m actually going to miss this place. I don’t want to leave. I feel safe here. I have never stayed clean this long in my life. Like I'm really clean, I’ve done a few outpatient programs before but I always lied about everything and faked my drug tests. This time it's for real.

I know it's outpatient but it’s really like inpatient, it's 8 hours a day, Monday-Friday.