August 29th, 2008

I keep thinking about her. 

I find myself writing text messages that I never send, erasing and re-writing and erasing again. 

I’ll write, “hey, what’s up,” then think it’s too simple and stupid. I’ll write, “Hey thanks for the support,” and ask myself what the fuck is wrong with me. Thanks for the support? I’m so gay… Then I think about her for five minutes straight until I tell myself, “snap out of it! She hates you! You’re a retard! You don’t even know her anymore! She pities you!”

Then I can’t sleep and end up watching black on blonde porn all night. 

I love watching porn. Looking back, it was one of my first addictions. Straight up, there isn’t a person alive that jerks off more than I do. I have friends that say they jerk off like once, twice a day. Ha. I can jerk off like four times in the morning, twice in the afternoon, four more times at night. I used to think it was normal. I think my record is 20 times in a single day, easy.

That shit is not normal. 

My favorite porn is definitely like a big ass black dude and some petite white girl. I don’t know why, but there’s just something hot about Lex Steele picking up some blonde girl with a tiny waist and big tits and impaling her.

My second favorite is anything with Heather Brooke. Heather Brooke is very different from most porn stars. For one, all her videos are of her and her husband. She doesn’t fuck or suck anyone else. Her thing is that she sucks dick like a champion, and watching her give a blow job is like watching Michael Jordan play basketball. You just feel like if there was one person in the world born to suck dick, it’s that girl right there. She’s white, blonde, big tits—she’s not crazy hot but I’ve grown to love her. All her videos are POV, the first person view, and her husband never shows his face and doesn’t say much, but he has a big cock. I’ve seen this one video like a hundred times: her husband is sitting in a computer chair, and she walks in wearing a bikini, her little cute girl next door smile, her big fake tits, and she starts smiling like she’s been waiting for this moment of face fucking her whole life. It’s very amateur, which is what I like; I hate porn that is fake and staged as fuck. She gets on her knees and pulls his cock out, she pulls her tits out of her bikini, and starts going to town. She has ZERO gag reflex. Ah man, it’s a work of art.

Then there’s fucking Rocco Siffredi. His porn is fucking crazy. Sometimes it doesn’t even turn me on, sometimes it’s so crazy that I just put my dick away and I’m like… no way, and end up watching it like it’s fucking animal planet.

Sometimes Porn stars get too mainstream and I can’t watch them anymore, I feel like they’re too high class for me. Jayden James is so hot, I’ve been jerking off to her for years. Recently she’s gotten so thin and sexy, but she films all this HD porn. I kinda liked her when she was a little fat and would do the low budget porn.

…

I work with John at a telemarketing company, there’s a lot of awesome degenerates that work there. He said there’s this guy there that says this to people on the phone:

Telemarketer: “Hello, this is Sean. You see, I’m calling about the Veterans Association Across America. Now, these are the men and women who have sacrificed LIFE and LIMB for our freedom, this is a one time a year donation, our minimum donation is a hundred dollars, will that be okay?”

Some fuck: “What? A hundred dollars?! That's crazy!”

Telemarketer: “What’s the matter? Do you finger your ass too much?”

Some fuck: “WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!”

Telemarketer: “I said, what’s the matter, did you FIGURE we ASKED too much?”

Some fuck : “I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID YOU MOTHERFUCKER!”

At this point the telemarketer puts his phone on mute and giggles like a schoolgirl. I think it’s funny too.