July 23rd, 2008
Me and the Mad Russian worked out today. We were working out and I kept looking at his biceps. He has huge biceps. I was looking at them when I noticed something.
“Bro, what the fuck is that?” I asked in the middle of his set. He looked over and said, “Oh, that’s a dead vein. Shit is dead as fuck, that shit died when I was like sixteen, shit collapsed like a mother fucker.”
I love the Mad Russian, he’s so nice to me. When he takes me to meetings he introduces me to every one like I’m a celebrity, he’s like, “oh, you guys gotta meet my sponsee Bryan!”
I feel like nobody ever says anything nice about me, it feels weird... you know?
. . .
I keep having drug dreams.
I can’t sleep for shit but when I do, I dream about drugs. What fucking kind of trade-off is that?
This girl Shannon from The Ten wants to fuck me. Sometimes I think she doesn’t, because she’s fucking hot and like twenty-three. She has an innocent face, no tattoos, she used to be skinnier but she gained like 30 pounds since she’s been clean. Her face is really pretty which is rare in NA, where most of the girls’ faces look mangled as fuck. I can’t believe she’s into me. I keep thinking she’s fucking with me.
July 25th, 2008
I started working steps. I’m almost done with my 2nd step.
Megan came over yesterday. She’s kinda fat, but she has huge tits. I picked her up from her halfway house and we went to The Ten. I took her to my house after. We went to my room and she gave a bunch of IOIs and kino. She said she’s never seen KIDS before, to which I asked, “Are you fucking serious?”
I put the movie in, but before I can even press play she says, “I could beat your ass.” I look over at her. “Oh yeah? What are you gonna do, suffocate me with those tits?”
I get on top of her and we start making out. I pull her tits out and start sucking on them, they’re so big, and real too, my dick is hard against her, she starts whispering, “choke me, choke me,” over and over again.
How come every girl in NA likes to get choked?
She won’t shut up, so fuck it. I start choking her hard as fuck. It's kind of awkward cause every time I try to put my dick in her, she won’t let me. I move her hand towards my cock and she won’t even jerk me off. I’m just choking her and grinding my dick up against her underwear and sucking her tits.
I finally get all the way on top of her and try to get her to suck my dick. She sucks it for like two seconds. I spit in my hand and start jerking off on top of her. “Don’t fucking cum on me,” she says. What else am I supposed to do? Her phone rings and she answers it!!! “Hey, what’s up, yeah, I’m coming home soon.” I guess it was way past curfew.
I DRIVE HER HOME.
Like what the fuck? I end up just going home and jerking off (as if I don’t do that enough). Supposedly she’s a virgin. There’re no fucking seventeen-year-old virgins. And she always acts like such a whore. Megan acts like a PRUDE fucking WHORE.