I posted all these shirtless pictures on the “Casual Encounters” section of Craigslist. 

No replies yet, just from gay guys and robots. My headline is, “Young 19 year-old looking for mature women.” Even though I’m 17, hahaha

Think I can actually find some lady on there that just wants to fuck?


…

These Newports are fucking my throat up. I gotta stop smoking. I smoke as soon as I wake up. I get a Monster or Red Bull from the gas station and drink one on the way to school while I’m smoking. It feels so fucking good. I wake up early for school, plug in my iPod, and get in the car. My mom gave me her old car! I don’t know if I told you that, it's a ‘03 Mercedes C Class. It’s a real ugly color, like a champagne color. I fucking hate the color. I hate that it’s the old body style too. I keep it nice though. I love driving and smoking and drinking a Red Bull and listening to rap, it's so soothing. Sometimes I wish I lived further away from school so I could really enjoy the car ride. I still remember the first time I drove with the windows down after I got clean. When I got out of detox, my first car ride, when the wind hit my face it was like when Nick Cage got off the plane in ConAir…  “hey, my momma lives in a trailer!” haha.

And I smoke cigarettes all over school like it's normal. Most kids smoke behind the portables or something, but I just smoke wherever. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone outside during lunch for like ten minutes before they realize there’s a cigarette in my hand. I mean what’s the worst thing that can happen? If security comes I just flick the thing into the bushes. 





September 2nd, 2008

Gus is in the hospital. He got some water related disease while he was in Colombia. I called him on the phone and he said, “Bro! So you know how you’re not supposed to drink the water in South America, well, I guess you’re not supposed to shoot it either, haha, ahhh! I feel like I’m dying bro, you gotta come visit me, I’m almost out of cigarettes.” Me, Gus and Southern Roy all got clean at the same time. Gus is this white guy, he's white but he grew up in Colombia then moved to California. His dad was like some big meth and coke smuggler back in the day. Gus is like 30, maybe older who knows. Him and Southern Roy both wear Abercrombie and those gay ass Christian Audigier shirts. I can’t believe they really wear Ed Hardy, I make fun of them all the time. Gus is old as fuck so he doesn’t know better but Roy is just an idiot. 

“Bro, this shirt cost $200 fucking dollars, bitches love this shit.”

They’re so dumb, hahaha.

Me and Roy went to visit Gus. We walked in and I had to hold my facial expression so I didn’t offend him. He was sitting in the hospital bed, one arm behind his head watching tv. From his wrist to his shoulder his arm looked the exact same size. He must have lost 80 lbs. since I last saw him, easy. His face was sunken in, his hair all fucked up, pale as the sheets. I almost cried… but the fucker opened his mouth.

“Oh shit, what’s up guys, fuck you gotta get me outa here! Did you bring cigarettes?, the nurse took my last pack.”

I guess he went to Colombia to “go visit his family" and relapsed. Why the fuck would he go to Colombia? Every time he goes there he relapses. The first day I met him he literally said “oh dude, I can never go back! I relapse every time!” and to be honest… Who wouldn’t, a gram of coke is like 50 cents!

Sometimes I want to text her. 

I want to feel the pain of her not texting back.