On Friday, I went to some lame ass party, how depressing. I felt so uncomfortable, that’s why I did so many pills, cause I can’t stand being in my own skin. I kept thinking, “how do these kids settle for beer and pot, don’t they know there’s better shit out there, what a waste of time.” I left after a few minutes.

Anderson came to my house over the weekend with an ounce of coke. Anderson graduated a few years ago, he’s this tall surfer kid. We’ve been good friends for a few years, I met him through my brother.  

I don’t know how he sells that shit, I always end up doing it all. I guess there used to be a time where I could sell coke here and there but eventually I was like, “why sell it when I’m just gunna use the money to buy more?” He came over because he didn’t know how to cut it; I did it for him, using some Aspirin and Inositol. It’s not fucking rocket science. He’s so dumb, he doesn’t know how to sell drugs at all, I kept telling him “Anderson, this coke is fire, see the fish scales, stomp all over it, you got to skimp everyone, fuck over everyone. No one weighs it out, the kids that buy it are retards, I always charge everyone $50 a gram, and give the ducks point 5s.” He didn’t listen; this is what he said

“I want to be good drug dealer, like George Lucas,” fucking idiot.

It was tempting to see all that coke out there on my desk, I really REALLY like coke; it was my first love… I really fell in LOVE when I learned how to cook it… but today I had to tell myself, “ok Bryan, if you do a line, than you’ll want another one, and another one, then you’ll want crack, then you’re burning holes underneath your blanket and then your mom catches you with lock jaw and a room full of chore boy. It’s not worth it.” I didn’t do any, but I was pretty close.

Sunday I hung with John and Seabass, they’re probably the only friends I have that aren’t drug addicts. They’re a few years older than me, like most of my friends. We went CB Smith Park, hit some golf balls, checked out the batting cages, and laughed at people. Sunday night I picked up my 30-day chip at the meeting. The meeting was good. I talked to this guy Jeff that was running the meeting; he’s been clean for four months, a really nice guy. Come to think of it, everyone at those meetings are pretty nice, Jeff kind of convinced me to go to the business meeting, it was straight.