June 16th, 2008

85 Days Clean

Yesterday was father’s day, I got him a card.

I like hanging out with Southern Roy, we went to the pool hall and just hung out, talking shit about people in the program. Him and Charlene are talking, I think he should fuck her, she just got her tits done and she looks pretty good. She’s this little cute black/asian girl. Roy is so fucking white its funny, “man I ain’t never been with no black girl, you seen her porno, she can suck a cock.” I guess Charlene did porn a few times when she was using. 

This week I pick up my 90 DAYS key tag. Fucking sweet! This 90 days means a lot to me. it’s so different than when I first got clean, I got clean and drank at 30 days clean and didn’t tell anyone, I used to not understand why I couldn’t drink but now it’s just automatic, using is using, doesn’t matter what it is. 

June 18th, 2008

Kevin’s girlfriend keeps calling me, I guess he robbed BraceFace and he’s going around saying he’s going to kill Kevin. BraceFace is a bitch, he’s not going to kill anyone but he is freaking out. Kevin isn’t doing good. He keeps saying “fuck treatment, fuck my parents, fuck my girlfriend.”

My old sponsor Gio is using pretty bad too, he got into a huge fight with his dad on Father’s day and his dad kicked him out. I heard he’s been sleeping at a park. I tried calling him but he didn’t pick up. 

Sometimes I wonder why I’m still clean but it’s cause I do shit. People come into NA and don’t do shit. They pick and choose what they are willing to do, it’s not a buffet. I have fun in recovery, I do a lot stuff I probably shouldn’t but I take this shit seriously. I go to meetings every day, I sit up front, I call my sponsor, and I do service.

I’ve tried drugs, I’ve done them all, it’s time to try something different.

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