Yesterday, I had a family session. My older brother and sister showed up. When you do hardcore drugs its always very secretive, you never imagine one day you’ll be sitting in a room explaining it all to your family. Joan was explaining to my older brother and sister that I was on the verge of dying and making sure they understood the severity of all this. Like, she straight up said, “Bryan is probably the worst case of drug addiction I’ve seen in an adolescent, are you guys aware that he was smoking crack and lots of it?”… what the fuck? I’m just sitting in the chair twiddling my thumbs, on the verge of crying…

I cry for no reason sometimes, I’ll be on the fucking van ride home, all the other kids are jumping around, they’re laughing and talking to each other… I just look out the window and cry.

I’m so fucking diseased. My bro and sis were pretty supportive. It’s so embarrassing.

I talked to some girl from high school, she said she had fun at prom. I have no fucking interest in prom, and sometimes I wish I did, I feel so different and I hate it. I wish I could just be a normal teenager and all this pain would just go away, why can’t I be excited for stupid things like prom?

I wonder what it will be like to go through senior year not drinking, not smoking, nothing, just me… No one will even believe I’m clean. School is going to be weird… and this is all based on the assumption that maybe, just maybe, I’ll stay clean.